A deep sense of wrong is often the result of our adult lives if, when we were young, we were threatened to behave in a certain way by our parents. For example, if they couldn't accommodate our joy and energy and they told us it was rubbish and we should concentrate on our homework or just behave properly. Do you recognize it? I do!
It leaves a heavy burden of shame hanging. Shame on being too much or wrong or even 'I shouldn't exist at all'. You may experience it as a fear of punishment while enjoying yourself best, even if you are an adult today. Or a shadow that follows you and reminds you that you are wrong.
Shame is such an uncomfortable feeling that we usually do everything possible to prevent it from rolling over us. And that's why we limit our room for maneuver. For example, if we always deal with something useful and never give in to fun and trouble, we can keep it out the door. So maybe you're thinking, 'Shame? I never feel shame then. At the same time ask yourself: When did I last laugh until I got tears in my eyes? Can I take a full day without practical chores and still feel good about myself? What kind of behavior is inconceivable to me? Is it something I really keep myself away from, even if I would like to?
The good news is that the shame's active wounds can be healed. Shame cannot persist when it is met with warm curious empathy.
Make sure you have people around you who give themselves time and offer your innocence welcome and laugh and cry with you as you share your embarrassing and painful memories.
You are innocent.