In 2009, during a workshop, I met my unborn great-grandchildren. They sat in a semicircle around me and asked with grave concern: “When you realized how serious the situation was – what did YOU do?” I can still see their faces. I meet their gazes. My hands became clammy and my throat dried out. It […]
I've just returned from a week in Lebanon, and something in me feels full in a way that is still settling. It might be the warmth and kindness that met me in so many conversations. It might be the way people generously shared stories about the many cultures woven into Middle Eastern life. It might
A Week in Lebanon — What Stayed With Me read on
What's in it for me? Me-me-me. This approach is yesterday. I get nausea when I meet it. Self-interest is not our only driver. Humans have a deeply held desire to contribute. Are you in doubt? What's more fun, to cook when you are home alone or when there are people to share your meal with?
Who would you love to touch? read on
Coach your teenager The teenage years can feel like a shocking transformation – a turning inside out of the mind and soul that makes the person unrecognizable from the child they once were, both to themselves and those around them. There are uncontrollable mood swings, identity crises, and the hunger for social recognition. There may
We get irritated, angry, offended. We lose focus, get bored, withdraw, or intervene. Do you recognize how other people's behaviors sometimes trigger reactions in you? Many of us have low tolerance for certain emotions: when someone – could be our child, partner, parent, colleague, or client – expresses this emotion verbally or through tone of
Expand your window of welcome read on
I've written about it before: Shame. Shame as a shared human experience of alarmed aloneness, of exclusion. Shame eats souls The evolutionary purpose of shame is to have people behave within the frames of the tribe. Shame has also been used as a tool in the hands of those in power: Shame on you if
There are probably many who will ask for it, because shame is such a corrosive feeling that if it could be removed surgically, there would be a queue at the clinic. The procedure exists, and even without a scalpel and anesthesia. What's more, it's something you can do yourself, whenever you want, together with someone you trust. On the other hand, it takes
Brain surgery against shame? read on
Do you feel good with your loved ones and in other important relationships? If your answer is yes, then hooray! Then you probably often feel happy, because relationships are crucial to our quality of life. Our relationships shape our brains. In particular, our relationship with our most important caregiver as infants – usually the mother – is crucial for
Rewire your nervous system read on
“She thinks she can control everything.” “Yes, she’s always busy saving her own ass.” Do you know thoughts or statements like these? Our brain has a built-in tendency to create meaning in what we experience, so that we can orient ourselves more quickly and find appropriate responses to what we experience. Therefore, we interpret
Interpretation and backpacking read on
As a Harry Potter lover, many unforgettable scenes from the JKRowlings books and movies based on them are still alive in me. The one that beats them all is the moment in The Prisoner From Azkaban where Harry, with the aid of a time-reversing gadget, watches himself on the edge of being consumed by a dementor.
Are you an everyday revolutionary? read on
